You and Me
by TheLibraryWitch
Summary: There are many types of love, familial, platonic, unrequited, passionate, but the most famous of any type is Eros, the romantic love. A collection of couples one-shots written in honour of Valentine's Day 2015. 4: GraNa: Shenanigans: Lucy is tired of them. Crack-pairings galore! *Suggestions open*
1. NaYu: Chocolates

Yukino practically skipped into the guild, cheerfully greeting everyone in the building. She held something clasped to her chest. It was red and wrapped with ribbon, but the real telling factor was the distinctive heart shape of the package.

"Who's that from?" Her friends were all over her in an instant, glaring suspiciously at the heart shaped package. It was, unsurprisingly, Sting who had spoken first.

Flushing a dark red, the silver haired celestial mage clasped the box to her chest, "It's nothing at all! Please go away."

Sting made a move to take the box but Yukino twisted out of his grip.

Rogue grabbed the box before Yukino could register his presence. She squeaked and jumped to retrieve it, but the shadow dragon slayer handed it to Orga, who easily held it out of the smaller woman's reach.

"It doesn't say who it's from," Orga reported dutifully.

"Give it here," Sting demanded.

Yukino squeaked out a protest, knowing that if anyone else could be able to figure out who it was from, it would be Sting.

Orga handed the red cardboard box the Sabertooth's guild master. Yukino made a desperate attempt to snatch the box back. Sting jumped back out of her reach.

"Please give it back, Sting-sama!" Yukino cried, brilliant red staining her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Yukino," Rogue told her solemnly. She spun to face him, "But as your guild mates, it is our duty to protect you, and that includes... questioning... potential suitors."

"Rogue-sama!" Yukino protested, "It's not like that! We're just friends..."

Rufus chose this moment to interrupt, "As I remember, friends don't normally buy their friends heart shaped chocolates."

"Especially chocolate that expensive," Orga said. Everyone paused to look at him incredulously.

"What?" He frowned, "I've had girlfriends before!"

Rufus cleared his throat, "And also, if it's just friendly, then why wasn't there a name put on the chocolates?"

Yukino fiddled with the hem of her skirt, regretting her decision to bring the chocolates in to eat at the guild. She should have known that her guild mates would go 'over protective brother' on her.

"No way!" Sting cried, "That dirty... thinking he can just go and swoop in on MY guild members!"

"Who was it, Sting?" Rogue questioned, his tone of voice dangerous.

"NATSU-SAN!" Sting shouted, beginning to stomp towards the guild doors. Some of the newer recruits dived out of the enraged dragon slayer's path. Rogue silently spun and followed after his more rambunctious partner.

Rufus and Orga shared a look out of the corner of their eyes and walked off after the Twin Dragons. Yukino stared after the four men in horror as they started out the doors and down the street, presumably towards the train station... and Magnolia.

"You might want to head out if you don't want them to murder your little boyfriend," Minerva chimed from her seat in the corner of the guild. She blew on her painted nails.

Yukino took her advice and ran.

Natsu threw the chair he held at Gajeel. The wooden seat flew in a graceful arc through the air until it crashed into the back of Elfman's head.

"That is not MAN!" The middle Strauss roared, having been knocked forward into a table.

"You got in my way!" Natsu groaned, "I was trying to hit the iron bastard!"

"What the hell are you sayin' Salamander?!" Gajeel stood up, slamming his hands on his table.

"I'm sayin' that I threw a chair at you, idiot! Learn to freaking listen!" Natsu yelled back, "You paid off Gramps to not let me on any more missions for a week!"

"He did that all on his own, moron!" Gajeel cocked his fist back, "Cause you and your team can't stop destroying crap!"

"Say that to my face!" Natsu ran at the iron dragon slayer, lighting up his fist.

Gajeel vaulted over his table and threw a punch at Natsu, "I just freakin' did!"

The doors slammed open before Natsu could get a hit in. Sting stood in the doorway, panting heavily as if he'd run several miles. Rogue, Rufus, and Orga all fanned out behind the white dragon-slayer, looking as they had the first time they'd appeared in the Grand Magic Games. Dangerous and maybe a little evil.

"Is everything alright?" Mirajane asked, concern evident in her voice.

"No," Sting growled, still panting heavily. His eyes narrowed in on Natsu, "Leave Yukino alone!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Natsu exclaimed.

"The chocolates! You aren't going to be trying anything on our guild mate!" Sting pointed his finger at the fire dragon-slayer accusingly.

"Oh yeah!" Natsu grinned, "Did she like them?"

"That's not the point!" Sting raged. He leaped forward, throwing a kick at Natsu. Natsu blocked with his forearm and swept Sting's feet from under him.

Sting recovered quickly, landing on his hands and springing back to his feet. While Natsu was preoccupied by the blond mage, Rogue dematerialized and raced across the floor of the guild, rising back up behind Natsu.

The fire dragon slayer ducked under Rogue's punch just in time. Rogue's hit missed hitting Sting instead by a narrow margin.

Orga summoned a ball of lightning between his hands and aimed it at Natsu.

He was rammed to the ground.

Yukino appeared behind the fallen god-slayer, wide eyed and panting. A pink dusting took up residence on her face with the sight of Natsu.

"Oh hey Yukino!" Natsu called cheerfully, dodging a hit from Sting, "Did you like the chocolates I sent you? Sorry if they were a little singed!"

Yukino marched forward, the pink on her cheeks spreading and intensifying as she went. She pushed through the attacks that her team mates sent at the Fairy Tail mage. The backed off, protesting, as soon as she got into the way.

Their protests swiftly cut off.

Yukino grabbed Natsu by the edges of his vest and pulled his mouth to hers. His eyes widened momentarily, his hands flying up from his sides. He relaxed soon, and closed his eyes, resting his hands on Yukino's shoulders.

Sting and Rogue fell backwards, their souls flying out of their mouths.

Yukino broke the kiss, breathless and a shade of scarlet that was previously unknown to man.

The guild, who'd previously been shocked into silence, burst into conversation.

"Natsu actually sent her a valentine!"

"Juvia is so excited! Congratulations Yukino-san! Juvia is glad that you are no longer pursuing Gray-sama!"

"Does this mean Salamander isn't actually as oblivious as we thought?!"

"Natsu and YUKINO?! Who would have guessed!?"

"God damn! We all lost the NaLu bet!"

Yukino turned to her stunned guild mates. Sting and Rogue had recovered for the most part, but were watching the pair in stunned silence.

"Natsu-sama and I are free to do as we please," Yukino declared, "I know that you're just trying to protect me, and I appreciate it! But I can make my own decisions, and Natsu-sama makes me happy, so I won't let you attack him!"

Natsu grinned and threw his arm around Yukino's shoulders, "So you did like the chocolate!"

**A/N: Natsu you loveable idiot. Anyway, these are random crack pairing one shots in honor of Valentines day. I wrote this one first since NaYu has a weird special place in my heart. If you have any pairing recommendations, I'd love to hear them. Next up is LaharxLucy because I can if I want to.**


	2. LaharLu: Thanks Doranbolt

Lahar wished he could drown his irritation in coffee.

Actually, he was going to rephrase that. He wanted to drown the _irritations_ in his holding cell in coffee. _Scalding hot_ coffee.

Curse Doranbolt for leaving him to do this.

One of the Fairy Tail mages, the one who was normally drunk, as far as Lahar could recall, rattled the bars of her cell.

"We're missing the party," She whined, "It's Single's Awareness Day! It's my day!"

Lahar was very aware of his singleness. He didn't need a day devoted to it. He snapped at the woman, "You should have thought of that before you committed several felonies and ended by accosting a Rune Knight."

She shrugged, peeling away from the bars. She didn't look at all bothered by Lahar's accusations, "Accosted? I was just helping him appreciate my singleness."

"It wasn't like he wasn't eying her before," Gray Fullbuster piped from the next cell over.

The ice mage had, unsurprisingly, been arrested for public indecency.

Lahar glared at him, "Put your pants back on."

"Crap!" Fullbuster scrambled to the other corner of his cell and retrieved the olive green cargo pants.

"I wanna get out..." Alberona whined again. Her eyes lit up, and she stuck her hand through the bar and waved it around, "I've got an idea! If you let us out, Lucy'll go on a date with you! She needs a boyfriend anyway."

The blonde mage in the third cell sputtered out a protest, "Cana!"

"It's true," The brunette flipped her ponytail over her shoulder, "I own my singleness, but you always mope around like a kicked puppy on Valentine's day."

"Cana!" Lucy, apparently, screeched horrified.

Doranbolt slams through the door, running to the middle of the room. He whips his head around wildly, looking for the source of the scream.

"Lahar! You didn't murder them yet, did you?!" His eyes rest on the three occupied holding cells and he breathes a sigh of relief, "What was that scream about?"

"My friend needs a boyfriend," The card mage smiles, "Did you know she's never been on a date before?"

Doranbolt smirks at Lahar, "That's convenient. My friend's in dire need of a girlfriend."

Lahar sputtered coughing. A dusting of bright red bloomed on his cheeks, "I don't have time for a girlfriend!"

"Oh good," Alberona smiled wolfishly, "Because Lucy is very willing to compromise."

The celestial mage seemed to have been shocked into horrified silence. She curled up into a ball in the corner of her cell and was hiding her face in her hands. Lahar felt a spark of pity.

"And even better," The card mage continued, unbothered by Lahar and Lucy's mortification, "She likes assertive men. I'm pretty sure that includes a man in uniform..."

Lucy squeaked and fell over, curling into fetal position. Lahar's own blush grew in size exponetially, spreading over his face until it reached his neck.

Doranbolt cackled, "I don't think she'll have any trouble with him, then. He's all for bossing people around, right boss?"

The blonde woman's soul flew out of her mouth.

"In fact, let's give these two some alone time!" Doranbolt crowed, then quietly in Lahar's ear whispered, "This is for sending me into the swamp that one mission."

A fizzing sensation shuddered through Lahar. It felt like every particle of his being had flown apart and was vibrating at extreme speeds. In a single moment, he'd stilled and was sitting, facing a set of tall iron balls.

Doranbolt removed his hand from his commanding officer's shoulder and teleported outside of the bars. Lahar watched in horror as his subordinate grabbed Lahar's key ring from it's hook and used it to unlock both Alberona and Fullbuster's doors.

"If something doesn't happen by the end of this," Doranbolt threatened as Cana Alberona stretched and emerged from her cell, "Then I'm coming back and arresting you again."

"Deal," Cana laughed and raised her arms over her head, "Come on, Gray. Party's waiting."

Fullbuster followed after the drunken card mage with his hands stuck in his pockets. He turned and looked over his shoulder, a grimace fixed on his face, "Sorry Lucy. I'll try for damage control at the guild."

The blonde on the floor shot to her feet, a horrified look plastered on her face.

"Don't let Mira hear!" She cried, gripping the bars in both hands. The door slammed shut behind her companions, cutting off the last part of her desperate plea.

She slumped to the floor, cradling her scarlet cheeks in her hands.

"I offer my deepest apologies, Miss..." Lahar offered, avoiding the blonde woman's eyes and trying to hide his ever growing flush.

"You can just call me Lucy..." She leaned back against the bars.

"I can assure you that my... co-worker... will be severely reprimanded for this," Lahar growled, already imagining the vengeance he'd dish out when he got out of this damned jail cell.

Lucy laughed, uncurling her legs so they splayed out in front of her. The toes of her boots knocked against his feet in the small cell. He took the moment to really look at the blonde Fairy Tail mage he'd arrested less than three hours ago.

Aside from his first impression, blonde and irritating, the mage was quite attractive. She seemed to be the most reasonable of the group he'd arrested. Her hair style was immature, almost, a little girl doodle sticking out of the side of her head. She seemed intelligent though, from the three hours which Lahar had really spoken with her.

"My friends do this kind of thing all the time," Lucy smiled, trying to make light of the situation, "Mirajane especially. One time she actually spiked my drink with a truth potion, because she was trying to get me to confess to Natsu. Problem is, I don't like him, so I ended up telling Gray that I actually didn't like the necklace he got for my birthday, and I told Gajeel that he smelled, and..."

She sighed, "Well basically I had a lot of apologizing to do later."

To his utmost surprise, Lahar found himself laughing along with her story, "Doranbolt is very similar. When he feels that he's been over worked, he finds interesting ways to express himself. There was one instance where he reset the communication lacrima in Era head quarters to blare random messages when the council was in session."

Lahar's mind flashed back to the three weeks straight he would randomly hear 'Snappity snap crack paddy paddy whack!' crackling over the loud speakers.

Lucy's giggles dissolved into full blown laughter, "That sounds like something Natsu would do! Of course, he'd find some way to have it embarrass me..."

"Our friends may be right," Lahar chuckled, "If we're spilling everything on our minds to random strangers, we are probably in dire need of a relationship."

The pink flush reappeared on Lucy's cheeks, but this time she was smiling, "I'm open for a date, as soon as someone lets us out of this cell."

**A/N: And there was the next chapter of the wonderfully cracky You and Me! Doranbolt was really ooc, but oh well. The chapter schedule of the story is as follows:**

**GrayxCana**

**NatsuxLevy**

**NatsuxJuvia**

**RoguexLisanna**

**NatsuxHisui**

**LucyxMystogan**

**Pairings suggestions are still open, but I'd really appreciate it if you sent in actual prompts, even if their just a word or two!**


	3. GaLu Week: Ghost

The flat didn't really suit his tastes. He couldn't even pretend to be a fan of the pastel pink walls, the enormous bookshelves stocked with novels of all kinds, the fluffy pale pink rugs, or the collection of tea-ware stored in the cabinet. The rooms were spacious, though, and came with good quality teak wood furniture, and plenty of wall space. It was located at a prime location in Magnolia, too, in the middle of Strawberry street and bordering the canal. The real clincher was the price.

Gajeel walked into his new apartment, sneering at the feminine decorations on the walls. He flopped down on the couch experimentally. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again, dubbing the couch comfortable enough to keep, despite the floral pattern decorating it.

He got up again, glancing at the pile of boxes in the corner. The meager stack contained everything he owned.

A disgruntled meow sounded from within his leather jacket.

Gajeel unzipped his coat. Lily's head popped out of the new gap, glaring at Gajeel reproachfully.

"Gihi," Gajeel grinned. Lily appeared to glare harder, "Sorry, Lily, but pets ain't allowed."

The black cat hissed and dug his claws into Gajeel's chest. Gajeel set him down on the floor, rubbing the puncture marks in his tank top.

Lily gave the apartment an appraising once over. He circled the perimeter of the room, nosing the unfamiliar furniture and hopping onto one of the chairs that had been shoved in the corner. He jumped off and back onto the ground. He walked to the other end of the room, inches away from the bedroom Gajeel hadn't had a chance to examine yet. Lily's fur bristled and hissed at the door, before bolting away, into the kitchen.

Gajeel raised his eyebrows at the usually stoic cat's behavior, shrugging to himself. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and looked around the room one more time.

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of the décor, either," Gajeel remarked loudly to the cat.

He crossed the room to the closed bedroom door, curious about Lily's reaction. He twisted the metal handle. It was unnaturally cold against the palm of his hand, like holding an ice-cube.

The door swung open silently, revealing the hidden room.

It looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months. A fine coating of dust settled over the contents of the room like a fine gray blanket. It seemed like an old photo, the light from the large window illuminated the dust motes swirling through the air and gave everything in the room a fuzzy quality.

A bed was pushed against the window, the covers still rumpled and thrown back like the occupant had gotten out of bed and vanished. Spilled pens and pencils scattered over the surface of the writing desk, rolled over a blank sheet of paper. The drawers of the desk were half opened and spilling parchment.

Gajeel frowned at the disarrayed state of the room. The landlady had said that there may be some mess in the bedroom, but Gajeel hadn't expected this extent.

A sheet of paper on the hardwood floor caught Gajeel's eye. He crossed the room and scooped it up, plopping down on the desk chair, mindless of the dust that he was getting on his jacket and pants.

The paper was a sealed envelop, addressed to no one in particular. Gajeel ripped it open.

The letter within was written in neat, small, feminine script. Gajeel wondered if it had been written by the same occupant who'd decorated the apartment.

Gajeel read through the short, three paragraph letter.

_ Dear Mama,_

_ I turned eighteen today, but I'm pretty sure that you know that. All my friends threw a huge party! It was so much fun. Except they threw it in my apartment and ended up completely wrecking it._

_ Cana got everyone drunk, and the curtains got set on fire, and my underwear got tracked all over the room, and the cake was smeared on the ceiling. The CEILING, Mama. I don't even know how it got up there!_

_ But it was so much fun, Mama. It was probably the best birthday I'd ever had. I'm going to go to bed now. I still miss you, but I'm so much happier now._

_ Love, Lucy._

The letter was dated July first. Gajeel guessed it must have been written last year, which would make the writer nineteen now, just two years younger than Gajeel.

Gajeel set the letter and it's envelop on the dusty surface of the writing desk. He leaned over and pulled open the half open drawers, stuffed with letters just like the one he'd just read. He opened one of the drawers on the other side, finding a thick stack of papers.

He pulled out the two inch thick pile of parchment. The same small, feminine script from the letter crowded over the white paper, interrupted by occasional pencil or ink smudges. The corner of some of the papers were singed, and there was significant water damage, along with coffee rings.

Gajeel lifted the first page up to his eyes, trying to decipher the writing under the smudges.

"And of course he starts reading my novel," A feminine voice sounded to Gajeel's right.

Gajeel bolted out of the chair, knocking it to the ground with a clatter. The two inch thick stack of papers scattered over the dusty bedroom floor. He whipped around, fists up, searching for the source of the voice. He turned toward the window.

Gajeel swore violently.

Glowing like the sun through the dust-motes, and just as transparent, a blonde girl perched on the edge of the pink bed-cover.

Her hair was pulled into a childish half up-do on one side of her head. She was wearing black heeled boots and a short khaki skirt, topped off by a sleeveless green shirt. The rose colored comforter on her bed was visible through her crossed legs.

She turned to him, blinking owlishly.

"Who are you, and why are you in my apartment?" Gajeel barked.

The blonde rocketed off the bed, giving a high pitched squeal, "You can see me?!"

"Hell yeah I can see you!" Gajeel roared, "But why can I see through you?!"

"Oh my God!" The blonde ignored his question, pacing back and forth over the hardwood floor, "He can see me! Maybe I can finally figure this out! And I won't be stuck in this apartment anymore!"

"You didn't answer my question. Why can I-" Gajeel reached forward, peeling himself off the wall. He clapped his hand down on the pacing girl's shoulder.

It felt as if Gajeel had been submerged in a bucket of ice. Sensations rushed across the mechanic's brain, feelings and disconnected emotions paired with images he'd never seen. A brunette loomed in his vision, spreading tarot cards over a picnic table. A lit lighter, accompanied by a grinning face topped with salmon pink hair flashed by next. The images blurred faster and faster, speeding through Gajeel's brain like-

The girl wrenched her shoulder away from Gajeel's grip. The frozen feeling passed, as did the slide show of faces he'd never seen. His knees felt like jelly, and he had to catch himself on the desk to avoid collapsing to the floor.

"I hate it when they do that..." The blonde spoke to the wall, her eyes distant. She rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms.

"What the hell are you?" Gajeel panted.

She smiled ruefully at him, hugging herself tightly, "I think I'm dead. At least, that's my best guess. I just kind of... woke up like this, and I can't remember what happened. No one but you seems to be able to see me. Not even..."

She winced to herself, her eyes fixed on some distant memory. Gajeel straightened up, unnerved by her far away gaze.

"So you've just been hanging out here? Didn't you go outside or anything?" Gajeel asked.

"Well I tried," The ghost shrugged, fixing her eyes on him once again, "But I can't leave. Will you help me figure out what happened to me?"

"First off," Gajeel stuffed his hands in his pockets, a headache mounting, and the same unfamiliar faces flashing through his minds eye, "Who are you?"

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia," She chirped, smiling brightly, "And you are?"

"Gajeel Redfox," He kicked one of the scattered papers on the ground, "I'll help ya, but just because I don't want to share my apartment with a god-damned ghost."

**A/N: I missed GaLu weeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. -Sobs- So I interrupt our scheduled 'You and Me' programing to bring you a one-shot based on prompts 3 and 7, AU and Haunted, respectively. Next one will be GrayxCana, I promise!**


	4. GraNa: Shenanigans

"That was..." Gray buried his head in his hands, "I don't even know. Why do I always end up in a jail cell when I go out with you?"

Cana shrugged, plopping down on the wooden bench beside him. She kicked off her one remaining wedge heel, swinging her bare feet in the air above the concrete floor. She nudged Gray with her shoulder, "The real question is, how do you not end up in a jail cell when I'm not with you?"

"That makes no sense," Gray retorted. He took his head out of his hands and reclined against the wall, nudging Cana back with his own bare shoulder. Somewhere along the line of their alcohol induced 'adventure' he'd lost his shirt. He saw absolutely no hope of it ever returning. At least he still had his pants, for once.

Cana shrugged, turning around and laying down across Gray's lap. She put her hands behind her head, kicking her feet up against the wall, "It makes perfect sense."

"No it doesn't," Gray argued.

"Yes, it does. You should be arrested at least five times a day for public indecency, and then if you add the rampant destruction of property..." Cana laughed, smiling fondly at Gray.

"Like you can talk about 'rampant destruction of property,'" Gray made air quotes and rolled his eyes, "We both saw what you did to that chandelier."

* * *

"Hey, _hic_, Gray?" Cana slurred, pointing at the crystal chandelier suspended from the ceiling. The pair stumbled into the middle of the dance floor, pushing past sets of dancing couples. Many a pair grumbled at the two inebriated wizards, but they were both too distracted and too drunk to care if they upset anyone, "I bet you,_ hic, _five kisses that I can... can hit the.. the thingy? With my cards from here."

"No way!" Gray reeled back, wobbling on his feet. He grabbed Cana's shoulder to steady himself, but missed, pitching himself forward a couple of steps.

The chandelier was larger than Gray's alcohol soaked brain could comprehend. It was comprised of at least ten layers of wire platforms, crystals like dewdrops hanging off every available space on the wires. Tiny lacrima powered lights also clung to the metal skeleton of the chandelier, making the crystals throw off beams of rainbow lights. It was the prized show piece of the fancy dance hall that Cana and Gray had managed to sneak in to.

"I totallllly cannnnn," Cana protested. She dug her deck of cards out of her purse. It had somehow managed to survive their dip in the canal outside of Lucy's house. Cana raised the cards in front of her spreading the deck and selecting a card from the stack. It was decorated by a stylized burst of light.

Cana pulled the card out of the deck, and deposited the rest of them back in her fuzzy blue purse. Gray staggered backwards, behind Cana. The Card Mage shifted into a throwing stance, raising the card in the air with great pomp. She flicked her wrist, and the card left her hand and flew, spinning like a Frisbee. It arced toward the chandelier and lodged in the wires. Cana turned to him, smiling triumphantly.

Light flashed, silhouetting the card mage. The card lodged in the chandelier exploded, and the metal framework creaked and groaned. The chandelier swung dangerously, scattering crystals over the floor. The dancers on the floor just managed to clear out before the chain securing the chandelier to the ceiling snapped and the two ton mass of metal fell to the floor.

Cana turned to watch the carnage, "Oopsies," She hummed. She turned back to Gray, "You owe me _FIVE _kisses."

She held her hand out with her finger splayed. With the wide grin splayed over her face, Gray thought that she vaguely resembled a five year old.

* * *

Cana winced, "I hope no one got hit..."

Gray shook his head. He picked up a lock of Cana's dark hair in his fingers, playing with it absently, "Everyone got out. I talked to the rune knights. They're angrier about what happened to the chandelier..."

Cana laughed, clearly relieved, "I could care less about the stupid chandelier. That thing was gaudy as hell anyway."

Gray shrugged, dropping Cana's hair back on her face. He crossed his arms behind his head, "Like the clothes that you stole weren't?"

Spluttering and spitting the hair out of her mouth, Cana glared at him playfully, "Says the man who broke into the jewelry display. That necklace was not a belt."

* * *

"It's sparkly?" Gray gasped, looking over the glass counter at the diamonds within. The burglar alarm blared in the background, but neither Gray nor Cana paid any attention.

Cana turned toward Gray, jamming a sun hat down on top of the bowler hat on top of her dark brown locks. She was draped in silk scarves from the display, and she was wearing a golden, shimmery bikini top over a prom dress that she'd torn off the wall. Her gait was uneven, on her left foot, she wore one of her typical wedge heels, and on the other foot was a polka-dotted rain-boot. Cana clearly saw nothing wrong with her outfit.

Excited, Gray gestured at the display case, "They're sparkly, like ice! Imma get some."

Cana raised her eyebrow, and stumbled forward, tripping over the hem of her dress. Her rain-boot fell off, "I want some too!"

"Ice make, bazooka!" Gray shouted. The ice weapon appeared in his hand. It slung over his shoulder and he pointed it in the direction of the display case. His vision swam from the alcohol though, and when he fired, he only managed to clip the edge of the display case. The projectile from the bazooka slammed into the counter with the register. It exploded, scattering bills over the floor of the department store.

Gray growled, swaying from side to side. He re-prepped the bazooka and fired once again, aiming successfully at the display case. The kick-back knocked him back several feet, just out of range of the shattering glass.

"Whoo!" Gray cheered. He rushed back to the busted open case, retrieving fist fulls of diamond neclaces and earrings and throwing them into the air. Several fell down on Cana, snagging in her hair and clothing. Cana cheered in confusion, "What are you cheering for?!"

"I am the ice king!" Gray proclaimed, draping more of the necklaces over his head and arms. Taking a particularly long one, Gray tied it around his waist so it draped over his pants like a belt. He stuffed a bunch in his pockets. He stumbled forward, tripping on Cana and face planting onto the floor. He rolled over and off the Card Mage, ignoring her cry of distress. He stood up.

Frowning, he looked down at his friend on the floor, "What are you doing there?"

"Laying down," Cana responded.

"Oh," Gray contemplated the problem, before he simply leaned down and picked up Cana, throwing her over his shoulder, "Now you're not."

* * *

"I'm pretty sure that I still have a couple of earrings in my hair," Gray groaned, running a hand through his spiky black hair.

Cana laughed, "No kidding. I found a couple in my top earlier."

"I'm sure that that went over well with the rune knights," Gray rolled his eyes.

Cana shrugged. She stretched out like a cat, raising her arms over her head, "You know, the sobering spells that those guys give out are really useful. I'm not even hungover."

"Yeah, that's pretty nice," Gray admitted, "I was afraid that I was going to have a headache for the next three years."

"Ugh," Cana groaned, "I know the feeling. But I was more worried I was going to have hypothermia from jumping in the canal and then running around with my clothes soaked. I wonder if Lucy's okay."

"Oh my God," Gray blanched, "I forgot all about Lucy. That is going to be one hell of an apology..."

* * *

The two mages giggled, peeking out from behind the brick wall. They nudged each other, snorting and snickering. They peered at their blonde comrade where she walked, balancing precariously on the top of the canal wall. Her small, marshmallow looking spirit wobbled behind her, it's arms spread to keep it's balance. Lucy's arms were flung wide too, but more for the feeling than anything. She stepped like a tightrope walker, rocking back on her foot and pitching forward, occasionally spinning and kicking up dramatically.

Cana looked at Gray, a drunken pink flush surfacing on her cheeks. She pulled at Gray's bare arm, clutching it like an excited child, "Gray!" She stage whispered, "You know what we should do?"

"What?" Gray asked, not bothering to whisper at all. Cana pulled him farther behind the wall, shushing him frantically.

"We should go swimming! In the canal!" Cana grinned, whispering louder than Gray had originally spoken, "You know what?"

"What?" Gray repeated, whispering.

Cana spun around, flinging her arms up in the air. She stumbled, hitting the alley wall with both hands, "We should bring Lucy with us! I bet she'd have tons of fun!"

"Okay," Gray shrugged, "I'm okay with that."

Smiling, Cana pumped her fist. She staggered to the side. She took off her purse and threw it to the ground, stumbling once again. She giggled, fixing her eyes on Lucy. Gray stared at Lucy too, because that's what Cana was doing.

"Ready... Set... GO!" Cana yelled, taking off at top speed. She managed to keep her balance as she sprinted towards Lucy, and by extension, the canal wall. Gray stumbled after her with far less grace, tripping over his own feet and stumbling from right to left.

Lucy spun around at the sound of Cana's yell, only to find the source of the very same yell barreling at her at a speed that was impressive for a drunk woman. Lucy yelped with surprise and tried to take a step backwards, but her foot hit the edge of the canal wall and she teetered dangerously on the stone ledge.

Cana leaped at the blonde woman, tackling her into the canal. Lucy shrieked, and Plue dissolved in a shimmer of starlight.

Halfway to the canal wall, Gray gave up on running after he tripped one too many times. He brushed himself off and strolled leisurely to the ledge. He peered over, finding that Lucy was spluttering and treading the water, spitting water out of her mouth. She glared furiously at Cana, who was giggling and paddling in the water. Cana dived under the water and resurfaced several times, grinning like a maniac.

"Gray, I don't like it in here," Cana called up, still grinning, "I want to get out."

"Okay," Gray shrugged, "Ice make: fist!"

A giant model of a man's hand rose out of the water, with Cana clutched in it's palm. The brunette shrieked wit h laughter as it picked her up and out of the water, arcing over the canal wall to deposit the soaking wet card mage onto the dry cobblestones. She dropped the rest of the way to the ground as the ice released her and she stumbled into Gray, who caught her unsteadily. They wobbled together for a moment before regaining their balance.

"Wait! Gray!" Lucy's distressed voice floated out of the canal.

* * *

"She's probably going to kill us," Cana noted.

"Yup," Gray nodded, "You know what I just remembered?"

"Hmm?"

"Your purse. You left it in the alley by Lucy's house," Gray flicked her in the forehead. Cana scowled, reaching up to rub the place on her forehead.

Cana grinned, sitting up and leaning closer to Gray, so close their breath mingled and their noses nearly touched. Cana's grin morphed to something more akin to a smirk and she rested her hands on Gray's chest. She looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, "You know what you forgot?"

"What is that?" Gray raised an eyebrow, leaning into Cana so their foreheads were just millimeters apart. Cana moved her hands up over his chest, trailing her fingers over his guild mark. She looped her hands around the back of his neck.

"You owe me five kisses," She murmured, leaning forward.

Gray closed the gap, leaning forward and wrapping his arms tightly around Cana's waist. Their lips moved together perfectly. Gray cupped the back of Cana's neck with one of his hands, keeping the other wrapped around her waist. Cana knotted her hands in his hair and shifted, throwing her leg over Gray's so she straddled him. She deepened the kiss, parting her lips so-

The door to the holding cells opened.

Gray and Cana broke apart, trying to disguise their heavy breathing. Cana winked at her black haired partner in crime, twisting and swinging her leg back over his legs so she sat normally on the bench, "I expect those other four made up later."

"Just say when," Gray smirked.

A rune knight burst into view, leading none other than their blonde haired victim. Lucy glared at them through the bars, exuding an aura of death. She was still soaked, with her blonde hair plastered to her forehead and several species of aquatic plants plastered to her arms and legs. She had a white cloak draped over her shoulders, and the symbol on the back indicated it as belonging to another rune knight in the building.

"Your bail has been paid," The rune knight recited to Gray and Cana robotically, "You are due back here for your court hearing in exactly one week. A notice will be sent to each of your homes for the exact time."

He unlocked the door to their cell and they burst out, happy to be free until they caught the lingering death glare on Lucy's face. She marched forward and away, drawing the cloak tighter around her.

"You two owe me eighty thousand jewels, do you know that?" Lucy growled, not even bothering to look back to see if the pair was following, "I was stuck in the canal for half an hour before the fishermen came by. I was about to call Aquarius to get me out! And now I'm going to be sick for a week and my outfit is ruined! I expect reparations for this. Also Cana, I found your purse in the alley by my house. I think you dropped it."

Lucy turned around, offering the fuzzy blue article to Cana, only to find that both the brunette and Lucy's black haired team-mate had disappeared somewhere in the middle of her rant.

Lucy sighed. She wondered where they had disappeared to.

(They may or may not have been making up for those other four kisses in some shadowy corner.)

**A/N: This was GraNa by request of two guests! This was really fun to right. Gray and Cana are irresponsible drunks.**

**The chapter schedule goes something like this:**

**-Natsu/Levy**

**-Natsu/Juvia**

**-Rogue/Lisanna**

**And then more, but I'm not going to list them here.**

_**Suggestions are still open, but if they don't have a prompt attached, THEY WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED, OKAY?**_


End file.
